Hello there!

I used to work in insurance so telling people at the rare party I go to these days that I’m a doula at least doesn’t send them to sleep. Some people are instantly intrigued and pepper me with a million questions, but the most common response is ‘Is that like a midwife?’

I can see why people think that. As doulas we’re there to support people as they welcome new additions to their families. You can see us in hospitals, though unlike midwives you wouldn’t really be able to tell who we are. Both doulas and midwives want positive outcomes for birthing women and see healthy babies arrive earthside. We’re there for safety and security. Whilst doulas aren’t the medical backstop midwives are, we are the gatekeepers of mothers' hearts. I’m always quick to draw the distinction that I am not medically trained, but there to support the parents. Doula Natalie Meddings once described it as being a sherpa. The mother is doing the work, doulas are there to help navigate the unfamiliar path having led others through its tricky twists and turns.

Once people have got their heads around the distinction they’re often still left puzzled as to what doulas actually do and why a woman would need one if they have a midwife. I explain that I’m often there from much earlier in the journey, though some bookings can be last minute panics. Doulas also stay for the whole birth, helping create a safety net that supports families between the midwife shift change, coming and going consultants, anaesthetists, porters, hospital workers. I’ll have had the opportunity to build a relationship. I’ll have seen the family in their home environment, understand how they operate as a team, and know if they’re coffee or tea people. Of course I’m there for the birth itself, but so much of the support comes in the days and weeks before and after the big day. Packing hospital bags, venting frustrations about due dates arriving and passing, providing reassurance they’re not the first or last to worry. So much of the reassurance doulas provide has nothing to do with training or knowledge. It’s about trust. As one of my mothers said to me, “the moment you arrived all I could remember was looking into your eyes in the dim darkness of the bedroom and knowing things were going to be ok”.

We’re also there in the hours and days after families move from two to three, three to four or more. Making tea and toast, sitting next to feeding mothers milky and tearful. Giving reassurance that this too shall pass and they’re not alone. I have the privilege of watching parents being born and transition into their new roles with all its highs and stumbles.